Lateralis
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Will Moreno (M, 25)
Napa, US
Immortal since Dec 30, 2007
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Forward thinking Musician. I tend to write songs from a philosophical standpoint, and draw the same. Or just whatever happens to be floating inside my cranium at the moment.
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    I ask only this:
    Now playing SpaceCollective
    Where forward thinking terrestrials share ideas and information about the state of the species, their planet and the universe, living the lives of science fiction. Introduction
    Featuring Powers of Ten by Charles and Ray Eames, based on an idea by Kees Boeke.
    From Lateralis's personal cargo

    I ask only this:
    I had a strange feeling today while at my day job. I happen to work alongside a friend of mine whom I was seeing in the past. However, things turned rocky, and we went our separate ways about two months ago. I hadn't been working since around the beginning of December, as I was placed on medical leave. Today was third day back, and the first day I've worked with Mandy (the aforementioned friend) since taking my leave.

    Now, here is my question.

    What is it in the brain that causes you to feel a certain way about someone, and bring old feelings and memories up to the surface when you really don't want them to be there?

    I have spent weeks trying to force any sort of attraction toward her from my mind, and I thought I had been successful. I was able to work normally, and talk and laugh like I always have, in her presence. But—and here's where I'm confuses me—every once in a while for the six hours I was there, I would be working normally, and I would turn to ask her something about the drinks I was making (I'm a barista at Starbucks; laugh all you like), and I would suddenly remember something from when we were dating.

    This didn't depress me; I simply would think, in the back of my mind, and question what it was that brought these feelings (not thoughts, but actually physical and emotional flashbacks) to the surface, when I would consciously try to rid myself of them?

    If anyone has any thoughts, or similar experiences, feel free to speak up. I'm not so much worried about the problem itself, as much as I am curious as to why I (or anyone) operates this way.

    Sun, Jan 6, 2008  Permanent link

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    Orizyn     Mon, Jan 7, 2008  Permanent link
    It is simply part of the Human Experience.
    And like so much else it can not be explained in any simple way (did I just contradict myself?). Some may argue with me but you know, because you are at the center of it, that there are things/feelings you don't understand. You could work through it, enjoy it, learn from it and grow. But know that what you feel might be an enigma that is just the tip of some iceberg. Respect yourself and your friend.
    And to set you free remember you can love everyone in some way or another. That is OK. Sometimes you just have to figure what type of love is best in certain situations.
    Good luck!
    3LSZVJA9     Mon, Jan 7, 2008  Permanent link
    Looks like another part of yourself has an opinion and a very effective way to make itself understood.

    In the past, they have put it like this.


    Many different cultures have stories about a man facing a dragon that comes from the depths of the sea or of the earth.
    In the ones I like the most, the dragon is greater than the hero and swallows him, then the hero has to spend many weeks or months inside the beast's belly, and finally find a way to make himself expelled. Free at last, the hero finds himself in a new place, the dragon has traveled the skies or the oceans and left him in new lands.
    They say that mythology is something that never happened but is always happening.
    Monkey     Mon, Jan 7, 2008  Permanent link
    Firstly, I used to work in a "Starbucks", so I won't laugh.
    I think everyone experiences what you have, thoughts and emotions you don't want to have, but are "forced" upon you by your subconcious mind. I have learn't not to ignore these thoughts, they are usually pushed on you for a reason. Maby you have unfinished buisness, and your subconcious is trying to point you in the right direction?
    For me, it is usually closure I am after, and it will annoy me till I get it.
    Let us know what happen, if anything.
    As an after thought; if you were a personal friend who had asked me this, I would have told you that you still like her.
    Lateralis     Mon, Jan 7, 2008  Permanent link
    Indeed. This all helps. I'll certainly take your views with the utmost consideration. Thank you very much.

    And you're right: it is something that must happen for a reason...so I intend to keep searching the depths of my mind and heart, and hopefully I will find the answer.

    Once again, thank you all.
    StainedRaindrops     Sun, Jan 13, 2008  Permanent link
    I think that this is just a part of the way the mind works. Do you ever spontaneously think of a good memory shared with someone who is just a friend? Seeing people often brings back memories of times past and the things you shared with them. That's just the way it goes. I don't think it's something that can be consciously controlled. I have awkward memories like that whenever I see my ex and I broke up with him over a year ago. You get used to it after a while. Or at least I did.

    I wonder if there's some sort of chemical reaction in the brain...hmm...food for thought.
         Sun, Jan 13, 2008  Permanent link
    In one line: Your mind says no but your dick says YES.

    Obviously something in you still wants her. It's pretty easy to break it down to the fundamental reasons why this is happening in your head... Of course, though, you knew that. That's very obvious. Qualities about the woman make you not even consciously feel this, but it's the basic desire that is beyond controlling and hard to understand through thought, mostly because all your thought borne from language trying to answer this question is also trying to say "no". Does your lingual thought control what pops up in your mind ALL the time, and do you really have full control over your lingual thought? Your mind has a mind of its own.

    When it comes down to the neuroscience of it, though, if you really want to dig any deeper than that^^^ kind of answer, and perhaps if this is all bugging you, you could start thinking of how it's all actually happening in your head to distract you. It's worked for me before... Same way that you might think of baseball or smelly fat people or whatever to keep from blowing your load too early or from having your dingdong misbehave in public. Here's some stuff from my bookmarks, some of it is maybe what you're looking for:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grandmother_cell
    http://www.biopsychiatry.com/lovesero.htm
     http://science.howstuffworks.com/love6.htm 
     
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