I do not understand cargo shorts. Or plaid shorts, let alone consumerism and our infidelity to our higher faculties.

I do not understand a lot of things—there is some Chinese saying about how it is an 'honor' to live in such 'interesting' times and that is really great, I suppose, but I'm a little resentful.

On good days I am something more of enamored that there are these enormous things to wrap my measily brain around, really—truly, honestly.

But I have been looking for a decent pair of shorts for about six months, now. Look around you and there is just a bunch of people wearing their plaid pattern shorts or their trite cargo shorts and listen I don't mean to come off as extremist, but their really is very little reason for cargo pockets—and hey, blessed are those that find some splendid functionality in them—

But someone needs to end this madness.

Give me a simple pair of some exultant colour unscathed by the oppressive interlocking of plaid or the coercive perpetuation of consumerist chomping and allow my precious legs to feel the enamored breeze without feeling like some tool.

And it is not as if I am unaware that there are not more important things to mull over—I am fully aware of that, it is just that I am tire dof harboring this heart break of not being able to find a piece of clothing that matches my individual inclinations.

These corporations are supposed to be pandering for my money, right?

This is supposed to be the Century of the Self where we waltz like dreary idiots to our unlimited desires, and yet I walk horrified to the majority of my 18 to 25 demographic partaking in the same contrived fashionings.

Listen, if I am to be a cohort in the destruction of this planet, if I am to so indulge our mindless engorging of all the dwindling nectars of our earth—if I am to perpetuate our Armageddon and so coerce the fiery flames of hell to so oblige us, then I damn sure better have my fashion sense catered to and mass produced for, when the fiery hands have their grasp I can go out with the peace that I went out as a real INDIVIDUAL with complimentary colours and contours of ego, feeling ever so fashionable in these Interesting Times.