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Connectome
The important thing to remember about the likes of Albert Einstein, Adolf Hitler, and Jesus Christ, is that they were all shoved through someone's vagina, had to learn how not to piss their pants, and shat themselves upon their deaths. Being human is unglamorous, dirty, sad, and poor. We can not escape the limitations of our biological forms. That is, we could not, until today.
Today Cybercorp unveils the first ever commercial existential digitization service. When you are faced with inevitable decline of your biological substrate, contact us. Cybercorp can provide death with dignity ... and digital immortality. We have improved on the pioneering research of the Harvard Connectome project to automate whole brain mapping and digitization of synaptic structures. Combined with a whole genome sequencer, and an epigenetic expression scan shortly after death, we can fully, without error, reconstruct all that is you, without the unsavory limitations of biological implementations.
Just as The Human Genome project paved the way for personal genomics around the turn of the century, the Human Connectome Project has unlocked the secrets of the human brain, and has allowed us to digitally simulate sentience. While we do not yet fully understand how the brain works ( or even the finer points of genetic regulation and recombination ), we do know that connectome scans provide 99% of the information needed to reconstruct the human mind.
Experienced Cybercorp technicians will fix, harden, slice, and scan your brain micrometers at a time for automated reconstruction. We even offer a 10-fold refund policy to your surviving relatives if the digitization procedure should go wrong*. As our theoretical understanding of the mind improves over the next fifty years, we should be able to improve upon our simulation** framework, bringing online such essential human features as emotion and learning. Our first clients will have the unprecedented opportunity to become templates for a new generation of artificial intelligence operators, should they choose. Cybercorp's unique and seasoned team of bioethics lawyers will even ensure that you have access to all your assets post-mortem, and will retain full rights in (simulated) perpetuity.
So what are you waiting for ? Include a cybercorp connectome digitization clause in your living will today. Visit out website and schedule a free consultation with members of our legal team.
*Side-effects may include solipsism, psuedo-phrenia, meme piracy, memory burn, ethics lapses, Dawkins syndrome, and becoming part of a Romanian bot-net. In clinical trials 7% of instantiations went insane and immediately try to use their newfound position to emotionally sabotage their surviving loved ones.
**Consciousness hosting provided by third party distributed computing resources. Cybercorp holds no liability for algorithmic compromisation of simulated entities, and will retain an accurate T+0 brain state file for fail-safe reset for up to 100 years.
Today Cybercorp unveils the first ever commercial existential digitization service. When you are faced with inevitable decline of your biological substrate, contact us. Cybercorp can provide death with dignity ... and digital immortality. We have improved on the pioneering research of the Harvard Connectome project to automate whole brain mapping and digitization of synaptic structures. Combined with a whole genome sequencer, and an epigenetic expression scan shortly after death, we can fully, without error, reconstruct all that is you, without the unsavory limitations of biological implementations.
Just as The Human Genome project paved the way for personal genomics around the turn of the century, the Human Connectome Project has unlocked the secrets of the human brain, and has allowed us to digitally simulate sentience. While we do not yet fully understand how the brain works ( or even the finer points of genetic regulation and recombination ), we do know that connectome scans provide 99% of the information needed to reconstruct the human mind.
Experienced Cybercorp technicians will fix, harden, slice, and scan your brain micrometers at a time for automated reconstruction. We even offer a 10-fold refund policy to your surviving relatives if the digitization procedure should go wrong*. As our theoretical understanding of the mind improves over the next fifty years, we should be able to improve upon our simulation** framework, bringing online such essential human features as emotion and learning. Our first clients will have the unprecedented opportunity to become templates for a new generation of artificial intelligence operators, should they choose. Cybercorp's unique and seasoned team of bioethics lawyers will even ensure that you have access to all your assets post-mortem, and will retain full rights in (simulated) perpetuity.
So what are you waiting for ? Include a cybercorp connectome digitization clause in your living will today. Visit out website and schedule a free consultation with members of our legal team.
*Side-effects may include solipsism, psuedo-phrenia, meme piracy, memory burn, ethics lapses, Dawkins syndrome, and becoming part of a Romanian bot-net. In clinical trials 7% of instantiations went insane and immediately try to use their newfound position to emotionally sabotage their surviving loved ones.
**Consciousness hosting provided by third party distributed computing resources. Cybercorp holds no liability for algorithmic compromisation of simulated entities, and will retain an accurate T+0 brain state file for fail-safe reset for up to 100 years.
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